Earlier today I got some very bad news regarding a friend of mine I've known all my life. Last night she was hit by a drunk driver and she's currently in critical condition in a hospital. She might not make it.
If you haven't noticed, I've been acting differently today.
My way of dealing with pain has three phases. Phase one was immense sadness after I first got the news. I wasn't on here for that time. And the second phase was insecurity, paranoia and guilt. I came here to be surrounded by friends. But I was afraid to bring it up earlier after I got kicked. This was not your fault.
But Phase 3 is a defense mechanism consisting of anger and less self control. I can feel One of My Turns coming on. I feel cold as a razor blade right now. And I will fucking cut you if I am pushed to the slightest extent and I will rip open every fucking insecurity you have without being able to stop myself so don't push me. Because right now I'm mad at god, myself and the world.
I figured I'd warn you while I still had some control in me. Please don't fucking push me tonight, because I am cold as ice right now. And I don't want anybody to get hurt if I explode.
You've been warned. Please be careful.